Greedy King Cheezo liked to go on vacation. He liked it so much that sometimes when he was on vacation, he would take another vacation from his first vacation! When he was on vacation, it was hard to tell who was in charge. Then again, even when he wasn’t on vacation it was hard to tell who was in charge.
So when Greedy King Cheezo went on vacation this time, Jeff Secessions decided that HE would be in charge. He hastily called a press conference and announced a new proclamation:
“Even though stuffed animals have been allowed to come back home, they are still a danger to the good people of our kingdom. From this moment forward I do declare that teddy bears and their plush friends may not play, dance, sing, or otherwise gather in parks or public spaces.”
It just so happened that when they heard this news, Superstorm and Bluebelle were packing Dolores Fuerte, Malcolm Rex, Ida B. Whale, Harvey Milkbone, Fannie Lou Hammer, and Reinhold Beaver into their red wagon to take them to the park.
“Reinhold Beaver,” said Superstorm, “Can we still go to the park and play?”
“Yes, we can still go to the park. And in fact, we must,” said the beaver.
“But if Jeff Secessions finds out, he might banish you again!”
“Well then, we’ll have to bring plenty of our friends.” said Reinhold.
And so as they walked through their neighborhood, Superstorm and Bluebelle stopped at all of their friends’ houses and invited them to bring their stuffed animals to the park. By the time they got to the playground, there were hundreds of stuffed animals and kids. Most of the stuffed animals were just regular stuffed animals who liked to run around and play. But there was one stuffed animal who was very experienced with events like this.
“Superstorm and Bluebelle,” said Reinhold Beaver, “I’d like you to meet my friend Cannonball Alinsky.”
Nine
“Superstorm and Bluebelle, you’ve done a wonderful job of bringing everyone here,” said Cannonball Alinksy. “Jeff Secessions will surely notice.”
“But we’re violating his proclamation!” said Superstorm. “If he finds out we’ll get in trouble!”
“Exactly,” said Cannonball. “We want him to find out. But Jeff Secessions is the one who’s going to be in trouble.”
“What do you mean?” asked Superstorm.
“Allow me to explain,” said Cannonball Alinksy, and he told Superstorm and Bluebelle his plan. “Do you think we can do that?” asked Cannonball when he had finished explaining.
“Yes we can!” said Superstorm and Bluebelle. And they got to work.
Ten
Superstorm and Bluebelle made sure that the stuffed animals were having as much fun and making as much noise as possible. Then they found some of their craftiest friends and got to work. They used paper mâché and paint and lots of other supplies, and they made something very large and very secret. They kept it hidden under a big sheet, just like Cannonball Alinksy had told them. They had to wait until the moment was right to unveil their creation.
It wasn’t long before word of the stuffed animal party got to Jeff Secessions. He was very angry that those stuffed animals were ignoring his decree, and he sent his own personal security detail to arrest all of them.
When the security detail got to the park, Cannonball Alinsky invited them join in the fun. But they had very serious looks on their faces and didn’t seem like they liked having fun very much at all. One of them said through a bullhorn, “You are in violation of Jeff Secessions decree! If you do not go home immediately, you will all be arrested!”
This was exactly what Cannonball Alinsky was waiting for. He give Superstorm and Bluebelle the signal, and with the help of Malcolm Rex they pulled the sheet off of their creation. It was a giant puppet that looked just like Jeff Secessions (except with even bigger ears). They raised up the puppet so that it stood above the crowd.
Cannonball Alinsky said, “Is that right? Well Jeff Secessions is right here! Let’s ask him!”
Harvey Milkbone, in his silliest Jeff Secessions voice, said, “I do declare! I’ve been havin’ so much fun with these stuffed animals that I forgot about that ole decree.”
The bodyguards kept their very serious faces on and told the stuffed animals to immediately stop playing or else they would be arrested. All of the bodyguards, that is, except for one. He started to giggle. It was a very silly Jeff Secessions voice.
“I would like to take this occasion,” said the puppet Jeff Secessions, “to make a NEW proclamation. I declare that it is…PARTY TIME!”
The stuffed animals and their kids were singing and playing and laughing even harder now, so loud that they couldn’t even hear Jeff Secessions’ bodyguards tell them to quiet down. The bodyguards knew they couldn’t handle this crowd on their own, so they called their boss.
A little while later, the real Jeff Secessions arrived at the park. He climbed up on the shoulders of one of his bodyguards and yelled into the bullhorn:
“Your behavior is disorderly! It is not acceptable! Stop at once!!” He was so angry, his ears were turning bright red.
In an even sillier voice, puppet Jeff Secessions said, “YOUR behavior is disoooorderly! It is NOT acceptable. Stop at ONCE!”
The stuffed animals and their kids thought that this was hilarious. Real Jeff Secessions got even angrier, and his ears turned even more red.
He yelled into the bullhorn, “You will be arrested! Bodyguards! Arrest this entire disorderly, dangerous mob of stuffed animals!”
Puppet Jeff Secessions copied him again, “You will BE arrested,” he said in his silly voice. “Bodyguards! Arrest this ENTIRE disorderly, dangerous MOB of STUFFED ANIMALS!”
By now, the stuffed animals and kids were laughing so hard, that they were rolling on the ground. Even the bodyguards were all beginning to smile.
Real Jeff Secessions said, “NOW!”
Puppet Jeff Secessions said, “NOOOOOOW!” even sillier than Superstorm and Bluebelle thought possible.
The bodyguards started laughing so hard that they couldn’t even arrest anyone.
Jeff Secessions realized that no one was respecting his power, so he started to leave. It was quite embarrassing. Puppet Jeff Secessions, on the other hand, began dancing. The stuffed animals and kids cheered in victory.
Cannonball Alinsky said to the crowd, “Rule #5: Ridicule is a stuffed animal’s most potent weapon! Good riddance, Jeff Secessions!”
Eleven
Just then, they heard a helicopter overhead. The sun glinted off the gold plates, and they could smell the exhaust from all the gas it was guzzling. It was Greedy King Cheezo.
He landed in the park, just back from vacation. He saw the crowd laughing at Jeff Secessions and he became very angry. Not at the crowd, but at Jeff Secessions.
“Jeff Secessions, you are very weak. It’s like you’re not even a henchman. You’re fired!” said Greedy King Cheezo to puppet Jeff Secessions, not even realizing that real Jeff Secessions was no longer in the park. The crowd laughed at Greedy King Cheezo. He pretended not to notice their laughter, but he hurried back to his gold plated gas guzzling helicopter and flew away.
Twelve
When the party in the park had finally calmed down, Malcolm Rex and Fannie Lou Hammer turned to Cannonball Alinksy.
“Wait a second,” said Malcolm Rex. “We’re just going to let Jeff Secessions walk away?”
Cannonball Alinsky said, “We got him fired! That is enough for now.”
Fannie Lou Hammer disagreed. She and Malcolm Rex tracked down Jeff Secessions. Malcolm Rex picked up Fannie Lou Hammer and used her to bonk Jeff Secessions down into the ground until he was nothing more than two large red ears.
“Those look delicious,” said Malcolm Rex. At which point, he devoured Jeff Secessions. “Good riddance, Jeff Secessions,” he said with a burp.